It usually starts at bedtime. The lights go off, and suddenly there's something — in the closet, under the bed, in the shadow by the door. If you've spent a few nights sitting on the floor of a dark bedroom swearing there are no monsters, welcome to the club; almost every parent has been there. Here's the good news buried in all that worry: this is exactly the age your child can start learning what being brave actually means. Let's talk about how to help.

In short: Fear of the dark is a normal phase for kids around ages 3–6, so start by taking it seriously instead of brushing it off. Then help your child build courage in small, doable steps — a steady bedtime routine, playful practice, and lots of praise for trying — and use stories about brave characters to show them that being brave means feeling scared and doing it anyway.

Is it normal for my child to be afraid of the dark?

Completely normal. Most experts treat fear of the dark as a typical stage, especially between about ages 3 and 6, when a child's imagination goes into overdrive — the same imagination that dreams up wonderful stories can just as easily conjure a monster in the corner. (Children's hospitals field this so often they publish entire guides on it.) So if your once-fearless toddler suddenly needs the hall light on, nothing is wrong. Their brain is just growing up.

One thing to keep an eye on: if the fear is intense, drags on for a long time, or keeps your child from sleeping night after night, it's worth a quick chat with your pediatrician. For the everyday kind, though, the tips below go a long way.

First — the thing not to do

When your kid says "I'm scared," the tired-parent reflex is "there's nothing there, go back to sleep." I get it; it's 9pm and you're running on fumes. But brushing it off tends to backfire. It leaves your child feeling like you don't quite get it, and the fear just goes underground. Instead, get curious: "What are you scared of? Tell me about it." Saying the fear out loud shrinks it — and it tells your child you're on their team.

How to help your child be brave

Courage isn't a switch you flip. It's a muscle, built in small reps. A few that actually work:

  • Keep bedtime calm and predictable. Dim the lights, same routine every night, a favorite stuffed animal on guard duty. Predictability makes the dark feel a lot less like the unknown.
  • Practice in the daytime, playfully. Spend a few seconds together in a dark room during the day, turn it into a giggly game, and cheer. Tiny doses of "see, we're okay" build real confidence.
  • Praise the brave try, not just the win. Make a big deal when your child does something hard — sleeping with the door a little more closed, walking to the bathroom solo. You're teaching them that trying is the brave part.
  • Give them a "brave" tool. A flashlight, a nightlight they control, a designated brave stuffed animal. Feeling in control is half of feeling brave.
  • Reframe that big imagination. Remind them that the same amazing brain inventing scary shadows is the one that tells wonderful stories and dreams up games. It's a superpower — it just plays tricks sometimes.

How stories help kids be brave

Here's where a book does something a pep talk simply can't: it lets your child watch someone be brave. When a kid roots for a character who's scared and steps forward anyway, they're quietly rehearsing doing the same thing themselves — all from the safety of your lap. That's why "be brave" lands so much better as a story than as an instruction.

The key is finding a hero who's actually a little kid — someone your child recognizes — not a fearless superhero who was never scared to begin with. Courage is far more relatable (and way more teachable) when the hero's knees are knocking too.

What "being brave" really means

If there's one idea worth planting, it's this: being brave doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you feel the fear and take one small step anyway. Framed that way, your child stops thinking bravery is something other kids have and they don't — and starts seeing it as something they can actually do, one little step at a time.

Meet Emma — a story about being brave

This is exactly why I wrote Emma and the Silver Sword. Emma is small, and Emma gets scared — of the dark, the deep, the crash of thunder (sound familiar?). But when she rows out alone across a foggy sea to bring her father's sword home, she learns the very thing you're teaching at bedtime: that brave is stepping through the fear, even when your heart is pounding.

It's a gentle, rhyming, read-aloud story — part of the Tales of the North series, where each book takes an old Norse legend and retells it with a relatable child hero learning one lasting virtue. If your little one is working up their courage right now, Emma's a good friend to meet.

(And if you want more on picking stories that quietly build character, here's my guide to books that teach kids good values.)